thefluteboy

An article originally published in Tuesday's thelondonpaper:

Why a frog wins over a prince every time

It’s 1am, I can’t sleep and, if I’m being completely honest, I’m wishing I wasn’t alone. I’ve been on Facebook for the past four hours (not nearly my personal best) and I’ve slowly run out of people, more precisely, men, to stalk. Recently, and don’t judge me, I’ve taken to chatting to my somewhat older and balding lecturer. Or should I say ex-lecturer.

It started off as a bit of fun really, but the more we’ve been chatting, the more aroused I’ve become and it’s got me thinking, particularly about the relationship between physical appearance and sexual attraction. When you’re 16 and still arguing over who gets to hold hands with the “hottest boy in school”, looks and physicality are everything. But as you get older, a bit of intellectual stimulation can have us running for a sexy nightcap. Yet, what is it about this sort of encounter that leaves us feeling slightly grubby and downright embarrassed?

The thing is, and herein lies the problem, we’ve been set up to fail from an early age, at least romantically. From Prince Charming to Brad Pitt, our unrealistic expectations of love leave us blaming ourselves and looking for some deeper and hidden meaning. Well, newsflash: beautiful men lie and cheat; not all, but most. Single and attached women can all wait for their happy-ever-after, but most of the time we’re just wasting energy looking in the wrong place.

Enter the slightly older, less attractive and unconventional answer to all romantic problems. He was probably the boy in school who spent his free time in the science labs, played advanced-level Scrabble and smelled your hair when you weren’t looking, but the difference between these boys and the ones who lifted up your skirt and suggested games of kiss chase still applies today.

By overlooking those quiet and selfless pleasers, we’re doing ourselves out of hours of meaningful pleasure and satisfaction, because, despite their often-misleading ­appearance, they know just what buttons to press.

To cut a long story short, I slept with my lecturer and had the most surprising night of my life. So here’s my advice. Pick up a geek today. Whether he’s sat quietly staring at you on the Northern line or smiling at you in Starbucks, it’s probably the best decision you’ll ever make, and one that will leave you begging for more.

Anyone want this here geek? I may look like a pig's arse, but I may just make you happy!