Fluteboy

To earn a crust

12:56 am : Thursday, 22 February 2018  |  ,


We have been in our new home for almost four weeks now, and things are falling into place in their own time. The office/spare bedroom is smaller than at the other place, with my desk slightly overhanging the bed, but it's still progress. The fibre broadband is running at 34 megs which is very pleasing - up from the 28 megs we achieved last week, so that has settled. We did get 38 megs at the last address, but it would be petty to whine about that!

Getting a smart meter to cooperate is another matter entirely. Our electric meter is located in an outside cupboard that appears to offer the insulation properties of a wartime bunker, thus ensuring that no smart meter will be able to communicate with the outside world. Those anti-smart meter sods would love this place! So it is back to the dumb variety for the time being.

There is also another thing to contend with, and one which sadly provides Hannah with sleepless nights. Squirrels in the loft. Last week we observed scratching noises coming from the disused chimney stack. A couple of night later, and there is scratching and scurrying above the bedrooms. I may be fortunate enough to have the mindset of: "They cannot get us", and manage to sleep unhindered, but that is sadly not the case for Hannah. So a call to the council's pest control department has been neccessary. Rats? They do bring to my mind a certain lyric by The Prodigy. You know the one - it goes: "I got the poison, I got the remedy!" But fwuffy wittle squirrels? Don't hurt them!

For this video, allow me to welcome you to the wonderful world of breadfacing. Unfamiliar? Then get acquainted if you will. This sordid practice is summed up in the very name - ie. pushing your face into bread-based product. And why not? Normally the domain of beautiful young women, this video seeks to demonstrate the male equivalent, by utilising crusts. A cheeky little Carole Bayer-Sager tune assists things somewhat.

Bread Face Man - Crust edition

Keep on moving

12:43 pm : Monday, 5 February 2018  |  , , ,


Last week we moved to a nearby village. There is still much chaos, but walls are painted, carpets have been laid, and two unwilling cats have been successfully settled. It was painful being sat in the back of the vehicle with them in their cages, whining mournfully. One of them also vomited and shat in the cage, and we thought her back legs had packed up too. But all is well after all. Just waiting for the phone and broadband to be activated, which they say will happen tomorrow, but I will only believe that when it happens. Until then we are making do with a dongle for our internet, which is about as fast as ye olde dial-up.

On Friday we were in that emporium of good nutrition known as McDonalds in Peterborough. Hannah sat down while I went to order. It was worrying. Youths loitering with no intention of buying, and one crowing: "I'm from East Ham bruv! You wanna take me on yeah?" While we were eating, the Justin Timberlake music got replaced by classical music. It was most wonderful, and I explained to Hannah why they were doing this. Two minutes later she was highly amused at the sight of numerous youths clearing the premises. The simplest tool in the box - classical music. They must have been thinking: "Nah man I can't deal with this bruv, ya git me!"

Saturday saw me present an 80's disco for a charity event. That was a joy. Guilty pleasures were worn with pride that night. To have an audience appreciate Scritti Politti and Haircut 100 was truly wonderful, and to close out the show with the Kane Gang was just beyond measure! The 80's was a decade of variety and colour, and should be worn without shame.