Nothing is sacred anymore

12:08 pm : Wednesday, 25 March 2009  | 

Just read the following on another profile:

"Do marriage vows mean nothing to some people?"

Sadly, the answer to that question is yes. I married once, and I found out for myself. While I was prepared to honour those vows, she was not. While I was able to stay faithful, she was not. Some of us are prepared to observe the duties that come with marriage, while others simply cannot be arsed.

It's a shame, and it's painfully true, and nothing I can do or say will take away your pain. All I know is, cheating sickens me. In my mind, there is just no reason for it. Marriage is a contract - so why do these f*ckers enter into such a contract, and then promptly break it?

I get knocked for being faithful to whoever is in my life, and I get knocked for expecting whoever is in my life to be faithful. Call me a retard if you will, but my brain just will not let me understand that.

I can only hope that you will not allow you and yours to come to any harm. That is all I ask.

Google Street View

3:16 pm : Friday, 20 March 2009  |  ,

Google Maps has been featuring very heavily in the news today. Reason being, they have launched their Street View facility in parts of the UK. Why has this being getting column inches? Well, those folk who love to bang on about privacy and all that other bollocks, have been getting very hot under the collar about it

I will admit - it's quite something to be able to zoom in on some bloke vomiting on the pavement after a stag do, and it is rather concerning that you can identify a man coming out of a sex shop - but it is a lot of fun too. Seriously, those civil liberties people can go and take a running jump. This is fun!

Pick up a geek

5:19 pm : Thursday, 12 March 2009  |  ,

An article originally published in Tuesday's thelondonpaper:

Why a frog wins over a prince every time

It’s 1am, I can’t sleep and, if I’m being completely honest, I’m wishing I wasn’t alone. I’ve been on Facebook for the past four hours (not nearly my personal best) and I’ve slowly run out of people, more precisely, men, to stalk. Recently, and don’t judge me, I’ve taken to chatting to my somewhat older and balding lecturer. Or should I say ex-lecturer.

It started off as a bit of fun really, but the more we’ve been chatting, the more aroused I’ve become and it’s got me thinking, particularly about the relationship between physical appearance and sexual attraction. When you’re 16 and still arguing over who gets to hold hands with the “hottest boy in school”, looks and physicality are everything. But as you get older, a bit of intellectual stimulation can have us running for a sexy nightcap. Yet, what is it about this sort of encounter that leaves us feeling slightly grubby and downright embarrassed?

The thing is, and herein lies the problem, we’ve been set up to fail from an early age, at least romantically. From Prince Charming to Brad Pitt, our unrealistic expectations of love leave us blaming ourselves and looking for some deeper and hidden meaning. Well, newsflash: beautiful men lie and cheat; not all, but most. Single and attached women can all wait for their happy-ever-after, but most of the time we’re just wasting energy looking in the wrong place.

Enter the slightly older, less attractive and unconventional answer to all romantic problems. He was probably the boy in school who spent his free time in the science labs, played advanced-level Scrabble and smelled your hair when you weren’t looking, but the difference between these boys and the ones who lifted up your skirt and suggested games of kiss chase still applies today.

By overlooking those quiet and selfless pleasers, we’re doing ourselves out of hours of meaningful pleasure and satisfaction, because, despite their often-misleading ­appearance, they know just what buttons to press.

To cut a long story short, I slept with my lecturer and had the most surprising night of my life. So here’s my advice. Pick up a geek today. Whether he’s sat quietly staring at you on the Northern line or smiling at you in Starbucks, it’s probably the best decision you’ll ever make, and one that will leave you begging for more.

Anyone want this here geek? I may look like a pig's arse, but I may just make you happy!