Emergency Calls

From London's ES Magazine:
Forty or fifty call handlers at any one time operate the 999 room in Euston. Last year they handled two million calls - three quarters of which were judged "inappropriate" or "rubbish".

Can you tell me the time, please?

I have a blister.

Today, I found an umbrella on the number 29 bus.

I still have an old £5 note. Can I use it?

Is there an ambulance free? I have bad acne.

I'm calling from Australia. Could the police go along to a club in Soho and verify that my boyfriend's not drunk? Because he says the doorman says he's drunk and can't come in.

I have itchy legs.

Can you give me the telephone number of the Dorchester Hotel?

I'm pregnant. Do I need to use a seatbelt?

My window has been painted and I cannot shut it. Can a policeman help?

I have shampoo in my eyes.

My daughter's making lemon meringue pies and we're trying to remember how many eggs to put in.

I have lost my false teeth. Can you assist me in a search?

Do you know the frequency of LBC?

I have a rash which developed after a curry. Can you send an ambulance?

Is there a local plumber you'd recomend?

There is a bees nest in the loft.

It's Trisha here - I have piles again.

Can someone ask my son to turn his stereo down?

My baby is crying.

Can a f***ing ambulance take me home from the pub?

I have a broken nail.

There's a cat in my house. Should I leave it until morning?

Where is the best place to order a take-away at this time?

I have lost a crown from my tooth.

Did anyone pick up a £20 note yesterday?

My cousin won't share his duvet.

I have a cold and a sore throat.

I've just seen a rabbit on a central reservation.

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